Grieving Through Art: A Scrapbooker’s Tale

You know that feeling when you feel like you have so much on your mind that it’s overwhelming… so your body decides to shut down and you do nothing instead?

Yeah, for me it’s called depression. It’s a vicious little bitch.

I know that some of you understand and others relate. I want to share with you why the past 3 year were emotionally difficult for me. My depression and anxiety emerged after my favorite hobby: SCRAPBOOKING. 

depression robs you of the joy in the things you love…

I had set some pretty amazing goals in the last months of 2021 for this year. I had three digital classes coming. I had been invited to guest in a second podcast. I was also opening a DIGITAL SHOP! The expectations were extremely high, and the excitement was real. But my mental health was dwindling. I no longer felt joy in any of it. I had major impostor syndrome and a few months into 2022 I went off grid.

On a whim I decided to simply shut down all of it. I felt overwhelmed and incapable of focusing on everything. I decided it was time to concentrate on my real life. I was going to go through a divorce, which was my decision. This happened after I tried to heal from infidelity that occurred five years ago.

I took a huge loss in the success of my digital shop, and and my courses midst friendships and connections. I stopped interacting on my scrappy social media. I knew that I needed that break. My body and mind were making it clear that I had no inspiration to create and nothing to share.

I decided to focus on my mental health and had multiple deep dives in therapy. I had a few intense months of weekly therapy mid year. I also began taking antidepressants to help me focus. I am still struggling. Nevertheless, I continue to push on. I go through the waves and enjoy the little moments of joy.

In May 2022 I decided to quit school and go back to work. I was able to find a full time job. I began to feel like I was back to life. I could really focus on my career once again. I was able to balance my life as a working mom. Work quickly became the best distraction and focus away from my depression.

Despite work as a distraction, my depression did not let me do the happy crafty thing. My heart would hurt every time I wanted to pick up a paper and scissors. I’d feel literal anxiety thinking about playing with paper.

In the past few months I have asked myself why it was causing me anxiety. I really didn’t want to feel that way about my FAVORITE hobby!

I finally figured out the answer: I was too sad to document the current crisis.

It’s been almost three years since I have created any scrapbooking. The healing had to be intentional even if it meant taking a break from crafting. I also knew that I needed to take the time to grieve the way I scrapped in the past. The beautiful pages I would create to depict the beautiful family I loved and adored. My heart ached at the thought that “it would be no more” and my family “was now broken.” I’ve allowed myself to grieve that loss this far. And so I left the scrappy side of me for some time…

It’s okay to give yourself time to grieve. Yet, don’t let the sadness pull you away from the things that truly make you happy. 

I am still working on myself. I am still grieving as I go through my divorce. All of that is still real. 

But I also really love scrapbooking. I still want to do the things that make me happy. Part of this journey is to go through the hard stuff. Yet, it’s important to keep the good things. My crafty community is all of those things: encouraging, creative, inspiring, and happy. I’ve always found so much joy in the community of paper crafters. 

I want to get back to scrapping, filming, and writing. This time, I want to be as honest as I can be. I aim to document even the hard times. 

I have earlier created a Grief themed digital kit. I decided to reprint it and create a page inside of my journal. This page documents my decision to accept the truth of my life. I realized that I can still scrapbook beautifully. I can also inspire others to do the same. 

I’ve been on a journey and I’m excited to share my thoughts and future plans for returning to the world of paper crafting! In the video below, I sit down for a chat to discuss where I’ve been and what you can expect from me in the coming months. Don’t miss out on the insights and inspiration—be sure to watch the video below!

Thank you for stopping by today! Follow me on social media to continue to enjoy my crafty creations!